This EP starts with a powerful thrashing, just the band hitting everything with power chords in a chugging staccato rhythm and i think "Bike Thiefs is a weird name for a sludge metal band", but then suddenly the music pops and they move into fast riffing. The guitar is distorted and wailing and the vocalist rants his lyrics for the most part, talking fast about something that makes him angry.

The vocalist is named Marko Woloshyn and he sort of rants / speaks his vocals throughout this whole record. The second ... well, i suppose it is a verse although their really isn't that much of the traditional structure to the song, but the second verse starts with him yelling:

Just
Last
Week
My sister went out and got a new Dyson
And it's about goddamned time i found some excitement

and then he is ranting away again as the band reels around him. The song is called Destination Wedding and it is a crazy, shambling, glorious, punk wreck of a song.

The next song is called Cosmetic Damages and it starts with bassist Kris Pandeirada thumping a head-bopping beat before Woloshyn comes in, his spoken words loud as if he is trying to talk over the band as the guitars chug like something form early Wire. The vocals here kind of remind me of King Missile, although Woloshyn seems angrier than John S Hall's bemused stoner ramblings. The guitars are simply great on this song, chugging and then soaring. Wonderful.

Carson is staccato riffing as the band hammers at it. In the middle of the song Woloshyn actually sings, with some tremolo in his voice. I like the way the music hammers along, and the guitar screams as the bass keeps up an intense warble. On the spoken parts of this song, Woloshyn sounds like the parts of Sonic Youth where Thurston talks instead of sings.

The next song, Melatonin is kind of different for them -- the drums stripped down and the bass a deep rumble as Woloshyn kind of sings as he speaks the verses, and then on the chorus his guitar comes in as a high-pitched wail. It is awesome and dramatic, Woloshyn really belting out the verses dramatically, then his guitar wailing away. I think I like this one the best.

Bike Thiefs end their debut EP with the awesomely titled Was I At Least Funny. This song is the band all hammering at it fully, just pounding away on the verses and then screaming and pounding out the choruses. A perfect way to end this EP.

Bike Thiefs are a new band from Mississauga, Ontario, Canada. That's the suburb of Toronto that my friend Anthony lives in. Huh. So, this is suburban Toronto punk. But the band is doing cool things and making an unholy racket doing so. A promising debut.