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Fyno's Top Ten News Stories of 2003


All major news media outlets seem to be coming out with their top 10 lists
around this time -- the top 10 stories that changed our lives over the last 365

As networks showed footage of people filing into Times Square (passing through
metal detectors borrowed from New York Public Schools) ready to ring in the New
Year, we watched retrospective upon retrospective to remind us where we have
been this year

You have the capture of Saddam Hussein, the return of Elizabeth Smart and other
major headlines.

There are all great and important stories, but they are not my favorite. They
are not my top 10. Yeah they changed the world and everything, but there are
stories we are overlooking that go on my Top 10 list.

So here, in no particular order, is Fyno's top 10 News Stories of 2003.

ISS I Do's

In August, Russian cosmonaut Yuri Malenchenko became the first person ever to get married in space. Mission control set up a special marriage hotline as the 41-year-old International Space Station Commander tied the knot with his honey, Ekaterina Dmitriev, who stood next to a card-board cut-out of her betrothed. Her parents thought it was strange, but perked when they found out that there would be no reception to pay for.

World Series Reaches New Levels of Suckage

What do you get when you cross playoff regulations, a goat, Babe Ruth and a fan with long arms? A bad time. There are other people on this site who can explain the extent to which it sucked and the history behind the suckage much better than I. But it was pretty damn awful.

When The Bow Breaks

Before all of news in December about the molestation charges Michael Jackson faces, the self-proclaimed "King of Pop" made headlines by dangling his baby over a fourth-floor Berlin hotel balcony. Michael Jackson has a lot of money. He has this huge entourage. Can just one of his minions tell him when he is about to do something stupid and career damaging? Can just one say, "Um Mike… this is probably not the best move." However, Mo Rocca did make a good point. "The fact is that pop stars are nontraditional caregivers," Rocca said. "You may not choose to dangle your baby out of a window, [but] Michael Jackson does. If Mariah Carey had a baby, who knows where she'd dangle it."

Sir Mick
  Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger was knighted in December at Buckingham Palace. His longtime band mate Keith Richards was disgusted, called Jagger a sellout and said Mick should have held out for a lordship. Come on Keith; tell us how you really feel.  
MMMMMM … Chee-to
  It was what seemed to be an ordinary March day when Navy Petty Officer Mike Evans opened that bag of Chee-tos. Little did he know he was about the make his way into snack-food history. The officer found a Chee-to reportedly the size of a lemon. A Frito-lay representative said the giant Chee-to was "beyond dangerously cheesy".  
My Big Fat American
Obesity Epidemic
  Recent studies show that one-third of American adults are obese, more than double the number 20 years ago. I thought it was just me.  
Mummy's Coming Home
  In 1999, the Michael Carlos Museum at Emory University bought a collection of Egyptian artifacts from a Canadian museum. The highlight of the bunch was a well-preserved mummy. After three years of study, Emory researchers found enough evidence to suggest that the mummy was that of Ramses I. Emory has returned the mummy to the Egyptian government.  
Taking the Plunge
  A 40-year-old Michigan man threw himself over Niagara Falls with nothing but the clothes on his back. He came through the ordeal with only a few broken bones and became the only person to go over the falls without a protection device and live to tell the tale. The Darwin Awards selection committee said that they are disappointed, but are taking it in stride. "We really wanted this one out of the gene pool, but these things happen."  
When Magic Tricks Go Bad
  Animal trainer and illusionist Roy Horn of Seigfried & Roy fame was mauled on stage during a Las Vegas performance by a 7-year-old white tiger. Officials were perplexed when the tiger expressed the magician did not taste like chicken, but tasted exactly like 59-year-old illusionist. The tiger also offered that sequins make an excellent digestive aid.  
Can't Count That High
On Your Fingers
  After an eight-year search using more than 200,000 computers, the Great Internet Mersenne Prime Search has found the largest known prime number: [(2 to the power of 20996011) -1[. Authorities say that they received a break in the case when they put 220996011-1's picture on a milk carton. Turns out [(2 to the power of 20996011) -1] did not even know it was lost.  
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