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Fyno's Top Ten News Stories of 2003
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All major news media outlets seem to be coming out with
their top 10 lists
around this time -- the top 10 stories that changed our
lives over the last 365
days.
As networks showed footage of people filing into Times
Square (passing through
metal detectors borrowed from New York Public Schools) ready
to ring in the New
Year, we watched retrospective upon retrospective to remind
us where we have
been this year
You have the capture of Saddam Hussein, the return of Elizabeth
Smart and other
major headlines.
There are all great and important stories, but they are
not my favorite. They
are not my top 10. Yeah they changed the world and everything,
but there are
stories we are overlooking that go on my Top 10 list.
So here, in no particular order, is Fyno's top 10 News
Stories of 2003.
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ISS I Do's |
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In August, Russian cosmonaut Yuri Malenchenko
became the first person ever to get married in space. Mission
control set up a special marriage hotline as the 41-year-old
International Space Station Commander tied the knot with his
honey, Ekaterina Dmitriev, who stood next to a card-board cut-out
of her betrothed. Her parents thought it was strange, but perked
when they found out that there would be no reception to pay
for.
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World Series
Reaches New Levels of Suckage |
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What do you get when you cross playoff regulations,
a goat, Babe Ruth and a fan with long arms? A bad time. There
are other people on this site who can explain the extent to
which it sucked and the history behind the suckage much better
than I. But it was pretty damn awful.
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When The Bow
Breaks |
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Before all of news in December about the molestation
charges Michael Jackson faces, the self-proclaimed "King
of Pop" made headlines by dangling his baby over a fourth-floor
Berlin hotel balcony. Michael Jackson has a lot of money. He
has this huge entourage. Can just one of his minions tell him
when he is about to do something stupid and career damaging?
Can just one say, "Um Mike… this is probably not
the best move." However, Mo Rocca did make a good point.
"The fact is that pop stars are nontraditional caregivers,"
Rocca said. "You may not choose to dangle your baby out
of a window, [but] Michael Jackson does. If Mariah Carey had
a baby, who knows where she'd dangle it."
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Sir Mick |
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Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger was knighted
in December at Buckingham Palace. His longtime band mate Keith
Richards was disgusted, called Jagger a sellout and said Mick
should have held out for a lordship. Come on Keith; tell us how
you really feel. |
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MMMMMM …
Chee-to |
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It was what seemed to be an ordinary March day when
Navy Petty Officer Mike Evans opened that bag of Chee-tos. Little
did he know he was about the make his way into snack-food history.
The officer found a Chee-to reportedly the size of a lemon. A
Frito-lay representative said the giant Chee-to was "beyond
dangerously cheesy". |
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My Big Fat American
Obesity Epidemic |
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Recent studies show that one-third of American
adults are obese, more than double the number 20 years ago. I
thought it was just me. |
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Mummy's Coming
Home |
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In 1999, the Michael Carlos Museum at Emory University
bought a collection of Egyptian artifacts from a Canadian museum.
The highlight of the bunch was a well-preserved mummy. After three
years of study, Emory researchers found enough evidence to suggest
that the mummy was that of Ramses I. Emory has returned the mummy
to the Egyptian government. |
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Taking the Plunge |
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A 40-year-old Michigan man threw himself
over Niagara Falls with nothing but the clothes on his back. He
came through the ordeal with only a few broken bones and became
the only person to go over the falls without a protection device
and live to tell the tale. The Darwin Awards selection committee
said that they are disappointed, but are taking it in stride.
"We really wanted this one out of the gene pool, but these
things happen." |
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When Magic Tricks
Go Bad |
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Animal trainer and illusionist Roy Horn of Seigfried
& Roy fame was mauled on stage during a Las Vegas performance
by a 7-year-old white tiger. Officials were perplexed when the
tiger expressed the magician did not taste like chicken, but tasted
exactly like 59-year-old illusionist. The tiger also offered that
sequins make an excellent digestive aid. |
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Can't Count
That High
On Your Fingers |
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After an eight-year search using more than
200,000 computers, the Great Internet Mersenne Prime Search has
found the largest known prime number: [(2 to the power of 20996011)
-1[. Authorities say that they received a break in the case when
they put 220996011-1's picture on a milk carton. Turns out [(2
to the power of 20996011) -1] did not even know it was lost. |
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Related Links:
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None available. (Yet.) |
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