It's hard being a Sponge, much less an Evil Sponge.

Humans are always picking on you... using you to clean their dishes or {shudder} scrub their backs.

Yes, life is hard as an Evil Sponge, that's why i use my Mind Powers to control Human Beings and make them do my Foul Bidding. Like work on this Cultural Review Site.

Each minion has a distinct personality, a series of likes and dislikes that inevitably influence their critiques. It is important for You, The Reader and Future Minion, to find the reviewer whose personal tastes most relate to your own. That way, their reviews will matter more to you, and thus i will control you faster.